Reading John 15:4 was a wake up call for me. So often I become so busy and absorbed into the business of life that I forget that God doesn't need me. I'm not his puppet doing his work. He can do it all! However, I'm currently reading "Spoken For" by Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Bethke, and it has opened my eyes and heart to this situation. God loves me just like I love my little boy, God loves me. No matter how many times I fail, He loves me. I never really understood how much he really loves me until I had my son. It makes it all so much more clear to me. No matter what he does or how much he cries I still love him, and I love him more and more every day! "Remain joined to me and I will remain joined to you... you can't bear fruit unless you remain joined to me." I can not do all that God wants to use me for if I'm not joined to him! Lately no matter how hard I try to stay focused on God, I fail time and time again. Being home with my baby and not working out of the home, you would think would make it easier; however, it's been so hard! There's so much more expected of me: keeping the house clean, feeding my family, teaching my little one about our Creator and Lord, laundry, etc. So much to do! And time goes by quicker and quicker with each day. Honestly today after my little one's 1 year check up I prayed that the babies would stay asleep so I could spend a little time with the Lord. Having just this little extra time has opened my eyes and ears to what God is trying to tell me. He wants me to get focused back on him. He wants me to look to him for help and guidance. He wants me to find my true love, my first love with him again! How can I help start up our young adults group, teach the middle Sunday school class, and serve on the children's committee if I'm not joined to him fully?! God loves me! He wants me to find my love for him again more than any of the works that I'm doing! I know without a doubt in my mind if I get my focus on him back to where it was in college, he can and will use me for his good!! I remember the night I was baptized. It was a cool, rainy spring night, and I was getting baptized in a muddy, cold cow pond at my college pastor's farm. I had given my life over to the Lord several years before but never got baptized because I was so shy and afraid of doing it in front of people. Well that night I almost lost it and said forget it but after talking to a great friend she encouraged me go with my heart. I was baptized that night and made a promise to the Lord. I promised not to love any boyfriend or guy more than Him! If a relationship took me away from him, I didn't want to and shouldn't be with that guy. I feel like my relationships from that point on did keep God the main focus; however, being a mom, wife, friend, daughter, etc. has really took a tow on me. Being a mom, I realize how much God loves me and wants me to spend time with him. After having my son that's the majority of what I want to do, spend time with him, love on him, shower him with my love, and he wants that from me. On those days, I get distracted or spend less time with him, he let's me know he wants time with me! However, with my love for him, he acts out to it. There's nothing more rewarding than those little arms and that little smile running to me with a great big bear hug! I love those little arms wrapped around me. That's what God wants from me! He's waiting with arms wide open waiting for me to run into his arms with a great big bear hug! He wants me to be that excited about spending time with him! Oh how I want that joy back, that first love back! I realized I have lost that connection with God and really with my husband also. I realize that I'm breaking that promise to love God, my creator, my father, my first love ! He sends rainbows constantly to us to remind us he will never break his promise to us. And yet I am breaking my promise to him! This is my time to commit my life to him, my father! He's my all ! For my relationship with my husband to work, he has to be the center of my life, my relationship. For me to make an impact on middle schoolers, other young adults and married couples, to those little ones I plan to spend every day with and teach them about the Lord, I have to be fully committed...I have to spend time with him, I have to pray for each of those ministries and most importantly I need to pray for my husband, my children, my family! My prayer is to be a Proverbs 31 woman for not only my family but for all who come in contact with me.
